User talk:Hotdog27
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The Dark Figure page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! WhyAmIReadingThis (talk) 18:46, November 6, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:48, November 6, 2015 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. --"You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 18:29, January 30, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:54, June 15, 2016 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ and our Style Guide for Writing for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. MrDupin (talk) 01:12, December 29, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story Saw your message on Dupin's wall and figured I'd copy/paste it to save some time. There are a lot of issues here: Punctuation: You leave a lot of punctuation outside of quotations. ""who are you... and why are you in my house",", " I heard my dad say "hey, are you gonna bring the wife and kids to my barbecue this Saturday",", "the kid responded with "of course daddy".", etc. Punctuation continued: You forget to properly punctuation before dialogue. "a kid came down my stairs yelling "daddy, daddy, can I have Froot Loops for breakfast?"", "I responded with "me?"", " I heard my dad say "hey, are you gonna bring the wife and kids to my barbecue this Saturday"", etc. "I know the date of everyone of my kids(') birthdays" Capitalization: You leave a lot of sentences uncapitalized. ""who are you... and why are you in my house",", "the kid responded with "of course daddy".", "now he was hosting a barbecue!? and the wife and kids?...", etc. You really need to proof-read your story because this is barely a page and it's rife with errors. Story issues: The introduction leaves a lot to be desired. "One day I woke up in another universe, not just because the name of my cereal was different. It was because I woke up in an entirely different house, I rented a small apartment, but I woke up in a decent sized house." I'm not sure what you're going for here. It feels like you're trying to get into the story as quickly as possible and not adequately building up the plot/premise. The revelation feels really forced. "Then I quickly realized, I researched about Alternate Universes a few months ago, so this was either a sick prank, or I entered an alternate universe in my sleep..." Why are they just coming to this realization now (after they've been with their kids and in a new house for a day)? Remember this is the type of person who wakes up in a strange place with people he views as intruders that still answers a ringing phone before trying to get any clue as to what's happening. Story issues continued: Dialogue needs to be properly spaced out. ""what's wrong dear?", the intruder said, I quickly responded "who are you... and why are you in my house", before the woman could answer, a kid came down my stairs yelling "daddy, daddy, can I have Froot Loops for breakfast?" the kid was looking straight at me, I quickly turned around to see if there was another man behind me, but there wasn't... I responded with "me?"" Breaking up the dialogue is essential for literature as it improves story flow, what intonation is being used, and helps prevent misattribution. Story issues continued: The story needs a lot of work to be an effective horror story. Starting with the basics, it doesn't feel like a horror story. There's no real sense of danger or threat here. This would likely be much more effective if it was the family man going shifting to an alternate reality and losing his life rather than the other way around. I'm sorry, but there are a lot of issues here. The plot feels rushed, there's not adequate build-up to the premise/events of the story, there're numerous mechanical issues, and it needs a lot of work to be effective. I'm sorry, but I don't think you can salvage this unless you completely re-write it from the ground up. There are other issues but I think this is enough for a start. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:40, December 29, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:57, February 10, 2017 (UTC) Re: Story I'd strongly suggest reading the reasons I listed above as your story repeats a lot of the same errors. The punctuation (dialogue missing from quotations), capitalization (improperly capitalized dialogue/sentences), and story issues (rushed plot, lack of description, lack of horror elements, etc) are all present again. Please read messages given to you as the next infraction may result in a warning/temporary ban if directions/advice is not followed. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 06:08, February 10, 2017 (UTC)